


we fall, without ever knowing why

by AsheCorinthos



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Angst, Drama, Gen, Introspection, Soul-Searching, losing yourself, maybe it's time to make new choices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:01:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25846240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsheCorinthos/pseuds/AsheCorinthos
Summary: an introspective look into the experience of letting yourself fall
Kudos: 3





	we fall, without ever knowing why

The blue sky cascades past her, and she tumbles through the air into oblivion.

Rin's skirt billows around her legs, whipping in the wind and slapping tight against her thighs, but it doesn't hurt. Her arms stretch for the heavens, her fingers limp and unable to fight the strong current that drags her down into gravity's pull.

Her blonde hair flies against her cheeks, slapping painfully against the tender white skin, but she ignores it. Her eyes close, allowing herself to continue free falling.

It's not like this is new. This is normal.

This sensation of losing herself, of forever descending and fearing the drop— it never goes away. It never changes.

She's always too scared to turn and look to what lies at the bottom of her fall. It feels like this fall has never ended, and she's not even sure when she got to this point. The day she dropped feels like so long ago. The real question is why hasn't she hit bottom yet, and when she does… will it hurt?

Will she land on something soft, cushioning her fall and making it worth it in the end? Or is there nothing but sudden death there, just waiting for her to acknowledge it before leaving her scattered to the wind. The blood that pulses through her veins would color the pavement, a testament to others who have faced the same fate.

Her imagination plays gruesome fantasies for her, but her mindset changes as she goes. Sometimes she believes in the positive of her flight through the sky, like it will lead her to a greater place. Maybe she'll even sprout wings mid-descent, a beautiful pipe dream that keeps the terrors at bay.

Yet, it never comes. Nothing ever does.

Her fantasies depict others like her, spinning and twirling through the air like graceful dancers of the wind. Do they look prettier than she does? Her limp body never seems to fall at the same velocity theirs does, and is like an ugly duckling in comparison. They're slower, or faster, and she doesn't understand why she travels at a pace all her own.

If only it would end faster. But then, she wishes it would never end. Her fear of what lies beyond eats away at her, yet she still can't muster the bravery to look.

What would happen if she did? There's nothing stopping her from seeing the truth, but she averts her eyes skyward, refusing to acknowledge it. She doesn't know if it makes her safer, but sometimes it feels like if she never looks, there never will be a bottom. Maybe that would be the best.

Why, why, why? Why is she here in the first place? Her fingers grasp at nothing but open air, and her head feels light and dazed. God, if only she'd never been put here to begin with.

Sometimes it sounds like there are voices, screaming her name, but Rin never sees them. They feel like illusions, but sometimes they're close enough to be in her ear, whispering words she doesn't want to hear that set off every chord in her body, instilling her fear once more.

Occasionally, a voice reaches out, wishing to help— but when she tries to answer, it vanishes, like nothing but a trick of the wind gods.

Nothing but a cruel twist of fate for a wretch who can't stop her own fall.

She's started trying to accept her destiny at the hands of stronger beings, but when she opens her eyes to that cloudy blue sky and sees the ledge she had fallen from— so, so impossibly high up from where she's at, and yet still she can't stop going down, down, down— it feels unfair. Why?

Why her? Rin never did anything to deserve this awful treatment, but then again, maybe she did. It's not her place to judge her own sins, is it? Yet it still feels like she's been dealt a hand of cards that were rigged from the very start. Someone or something decided that she deserved to be punished, maybe. But that would be ignoring the possibility of someone looking out for her enough that they pushed her off the ledge in encouragement.

No matter what, it doesn't matter now. She's already started the descent and succumbed to her own choices and decisions, and the negativity mixes with the positive until she can't decide what was real or false anymore. Her heart beats so painfully in her chest that she wants to ignore it.

Yet she can't. And she knows it.

It takes every part of her to open her eyes again. She forces herself to face her spinning plight, to feel the wind, to understand that this is unchangeable. What's done is done and no matter what, whatever lies before her cannot be stopped. She's come too far.

It's frightening. It sets her soul afire and the blood running through her ice cold. Her thoughts are jumbled, her body feels frozen in time, and nothing makes sense anymore. But…

Nothing changes when you close your eyes.

Nothing changes when you ignore it. Nothing ever becomes better or worse if you don't do anything. If you let yourself be carried away forever, you will inevitably keep falling for the rest of your life.

And she… doesn't want that anymore.

Battling the fierce demons and dread that chain her in position, Rin breaks the grasp of everything that has left her alone and helpless. The invisible shackles of her own choices, whilst having forced her hand before, now serve only as guidance as she spins herself.

It's confusing, and shakes her to her core, and for a moment she worries that she's done nothing but made a mistake.

But, when she finally rights herself, and is confronted with what she fears most…

...She stares straight ahead, unflinching, and ready to face what lies in front of her.


End file.
